If you lose your daughter, your only daughter, twenty hours after birth , the only thing that stops making sense is the future. Because you suddenly do not have a future: your baby, fed and dreamed for 37 weeks and 4 days, is not in your arms. She should have been the future, of course.
In the midst of the pain that overwhelms you and then retreats rhythmically like the waves of the sea , you suddenly find yourself stunned, like a ko boxer. You only become clear to reality: you are not in the mothers' club. No pappe, no little teeth, no first smiles.